I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize