honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
