What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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