Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
