I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
