you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
