Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
