You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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