I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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