Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
