Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
