im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
