I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
