just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize