i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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