At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
