I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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