You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
