hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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