As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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