so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
