If that was your dad, he is hot
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were destined to go to rehab together
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
