alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize