Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
