i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
