my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize