I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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