Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
