he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
