i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
