I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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