My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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