I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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