I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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