I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
