My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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