I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
