Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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