Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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