Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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