he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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