Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
