So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize