This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
