So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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