is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
