I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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