I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
