pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
