Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
