I will die if light touches me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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