At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
