I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
