How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
