Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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