Moan for me like Helen Keller
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
