Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
