i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my shit smells like andre
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
