so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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