can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
