I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
