On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
