nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
