What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
