if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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