she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
