he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize