I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
