I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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